Lately I've been feeling like crap and I really can't hide it for much longer. I hate depression and I hate despair. I feel like I clawing at the sky and tearing rips in between the stars. I feel empty. I feel unsatisifed. I feel broken. I feel like I'm bleeding.
I know I'm the culprit. I know that I'm addicted to lithium and that the addiction is impossibly hard to break. I'm not letting God in anymore cause I secretly feel that deep down I can handle it all. I can't. My thoughts are screaming for your God and my body's numb without you here. I know I've pushed you out.
I'm selfish. I have a bad temper, when I get mad, I break things, I smash things, I scream and blast music to drown out my thoughts. I know I'm hopless. Alot of people have lost faith in me. God still has faith in me? I have faith in God so I know he has faith in me too. That I'm not hopless.
I'm rambling but it's okay. God reads my live journal and whatever I scribble on my heart that day with my rusted pen. Earthquakes. Sharks. Killer Bees. No shade. No trees. I'll get there.
Watch me. I'll get back. "God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us."